Yet I Will Praise

I’ve mulled over sharing what I’m about to share on the blog or facebook for a while. I’m sometimes too cautious when it comes to telling people how I’m really doing because I hate pity and I don’t like people making a fuss over me. I’ve been convicted of this though (pride, to name one) and would truly want prayer.

After having Tasha the doctors found my thyroid levels were low. No problem. A synthetic thyroid hormone was prescribed. I took a pill every morning when I first woke up and didn’t eat an hour after that-which during morning sickness stage with my other pregnancies was sometimes torture. Anyways, I’ve been on the synthroid since then. Two months ago now I found a lump on my left nodule. My doctor ordered an ultrasound and referred me to an endocrinologist. At that appointment it was confirmed as a goiter. 1 in 5 people who have thyroid complications get goiters. Under 10% are confirmed cancerous. So, clearly, the odds are in my favor. A biopsy was done on Thursday to find out if it is benign or malignant. The procedure itself wasn’t too painful. Swallowing or yawning (which I do a lot of these days!) after made me cringe. If it’s benign it will be drained and if it doesn’t return, that should be that. If it returns the entire left side of my gland will have to be removed as it will continue to fill with fluid. If it is malignant more tests will be ordered. Oh, the ultrasound didn’t show any signs of cancer but I read online they usually don’t unless it is far along. So, even *if* it is cancer, it’s in the first stages. Anyways-I was doing well through all of this. Not allowing my mind to go down the “What if” road and not even thinking about it. Well, I did cry one night shortly after finding the lump. Derrick was great to share truth and statistic facts with me. I love him. But the other day while I was looking down at Allie after nursing her, I just wept. I tried not to say it but the words came out, “What if I’m not here to care for my family?” Then thoughts of Allie not having memories of me as she grows made me just flat out ball. While I haven’t been balling the past few days, it is always in the back of my mind. While shopping and wrapping gifts for the kids, “What if this is my last Christmas?”. I listened to a great message on anxiety that several friends have recommended. I highly recommend it too! Click here to listen to it-scroll down to Rick Gamache-When a Pastor Suffers. Great message. I was convicted of my anxiousness. In the end, whether nothing comes of this or I die, God is working out everything for my good. For Derrick’s good. For my children’s good. It’s hard to say that without tearing up, but that’s OK. I’m not a robot. It is OK to want to be here and see my children grow and care for my husband. It’s not OK to start picking out caskets and dwelling on “what if’s”. The chance of cancer is small. My God is big. Derrick was faithful to remind me too, that if I do have cancer, there are tons of people that survive. I get my results, at the latest, on Wednesday. Oh and I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. It was confirmed on a blood test that the doctor had ordered. It’s an autoimmune disease that is slowly destroying my thyroid gland. Although, since having Allie, my thyroid is producing too much so I’m in the “hyper” end of things. I had a good chuckle looking at all the symptoms of Hashimoto’s…. infertility… yeah right! Derrick made me laugh coming out of the doctors office. He imagines small Samurai shaped cells chopping up my thyroid. LOL So, my levels will be checked every so often to see when my thyroid will burn out and then I can have them leveled by taking the synthroid again. So, I’m asking for prayer. Prayer for peace and grace. Also, while in this “hyper stupor” (as I call it) these are the symptoms: nervousness, irritability, increased perspiration, heart racing, hand tremors, anxiety, difficulty sleeping, thinning of the skin, fine brittle hair, and muscular weakness—especially in the upper arms and thighs, weight loss (even if increased appetite). The weight loss is the only one that is nice. I’m EXTREMELY irritable and anxious at times. I don’t like feeling this way. So, please pray for extra grace during this time. And for my family to not want to take a vacation from me. They each have been so gracious and loving to me. I don’t deserve it. I love you, family!

Oh, this song, “Yet I Will Praise” has been an encouragement to me from the moment I first heard it. I will praise You, God. I will trust You. I had a scripture in Lamentations that I’ve been meditating on but for some reason I can’t think of a single word in the verse. See, forgetfulness. Darn you Hashimoto! 😉

Oh yeah, the advent envelopes turned out great! When I find a free moment to go downstairs, I’ll post some pics. The kids have been enjoying opening them to find out what is in store for them that day. Good times.

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